


A Comic Sansation

by Oriphiel



Category: Anthropomorphism
Genre: Comic Sans - Freeform, Crack, Da Fuck, F/M, General Fucking About, M/M, Word Fonts, wat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2013-04-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:16:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oriphiel/pseuds/Oriphiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Comic Sans is developing a crush on the popular, stylish ans sleek Times New Roman - but Arial the "Bimbo" is getting in Comic Sans' way!<br/>Meanwhile a new girl has entered Comic Sans' class - Hylian from far far away. Nobody understands her, but she seems like a sweet, happy girl.<br/>And what does Courier New has to do with Ar Julian?<br/>And What's the Real Relationship of Calibri and Cambria?</p>
<p>"Comic Sansation" faces all these things, and much more, as these poor fonts are simply trying to get by.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cue: Comic Sans

**Author's Note:**

> And so it begins... be prepared for a clusterfuck of fonts. I mean it.

”But... But Don’t you think I’m funny? Squiggly and cute-looking?” I said. It was really awkward, but I just acted like I didn’t care. The music stopped – actually the whole party stopped, I don’t know why though. I guess everyone wanted to know what was going on. It wasn’t a pretty sight, but it could’ve been a lot worse I guess. Arial wasn’t around, which was a good thing, but Times was still surrounded by Calibri and Cambria and all the others.

”Way to kill the mood, Commie.”

Calibri said. _I_ killed the mood? Times was the one who didn’t want to listen to me. He never does – he always just hangs out with his friends... I just want some time with him too, y’know?

”Just get out of here Commie and take the bad mood you’re causing with you.”

It was hard to hold back the tears, but I had done that throughout all my life, being teased by all the other fonts. But tonight I wouldn’t be crying. Not in front of Times.

”Hey, Times!”

That voice could only belong to one person.

”Arial! I thought you weren’t going to come?!”

Why is Times so glad to see her? She’s a total bimbo! I hate Arial so much! I mean seriously! She’s just like, flat and straight. There’s nothing funny or silly about her. She’s so... _plain_. Ugh! I hate her so much. If she would just get out of everyone’s lives, that would be much better!  
The anger was rising up in me, and it became harder and harder to force back the tears. Sadly, Calibri saw it.

”D’aww, would you look at that everyone! Little Commie’s crying! That’s so _cute_!”

”I’m _not_ crying!” I said, as tears spilled. I really wasn’t it was just because I was so angry and sad, and it built up and stuff. I wasn’t crying. But it didn’t matter. Everyone started laughing. Especially Calibri, Cambria and Arial. I looked at Times, and he showed a face of sympathy, but then stupid Arial whispered something to him and he started giggling, focusing all his attention on her.

”’scuse me, ’scuse me!”

a voice said from amidst the crowd. It was Courier. At least he was a friend to me. Courier grabbed my arm and started to lead me towards the door.

”Seriously... you guys are so immature...”

I heard Courier say right before we left. We walked out to his car and got in, and then I started sobbing.

”Shh, it’s okay...”

”No–hic–it’s not. It’s not okay Cou-hic-rier!”

”Just calm down... I’m going to drive you home...”


	2. The New Student

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let us rewind the time to about a couple of days ago, when the new student "Hylian" entered Comic's class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: To be able to view Hylian speaking her 'native language' you can download the font that is used here: http://www.zeldalegends.net/index.php?n=fonts#868  
> The "Wii Bold" font is used in this story.  
> (Even with this, the signs: ' and " cannot be displayed, as they are not part of the font)

 

My story starts a couple of days ago, actually. It was Wednesday and we were getting a new student from somewhere far away.

  
”Students! Say hello to your new classmate: Hylian.”

A short girl with braids walked in. She bowed quickly for us before she was about to find her seat.

  
”Why don’t you say a bit about yourself first, Hylian?”

Hylian stopped, turned around, and walked back to the front of the class. She took a deep breath before she spoke.

  
”Hello, my name is Hylian. I’m originally from Videa, though my family has just moved here because of my parent’s work. I have a brother too, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’re all peasants and should obey me, since I’m actually royalty – that’s right, I’m fucking royalty, so bow to me, lowly peasants. Ahahahaha!”

She seemed like a happy person, but I didn’t understand a word she said. I tried to talk to her during the lunch break we had, and she turned out to be very funny!  
“So Hylian, what’s your main hobby” I asked.

  
“Stupid mortal. How dare such a filthy peasant speak to royalty with such casual speech! I should simply rip your plague-ridden throat out right now and plaster it to my wall as a sign of my enemy’s defeat! Yes, that’s my main hobby you lowly critter! I plaster the dead carcasses of my enemies to my walls!”

“You like to watch TV too?! Awesome! We should totally watch something together! Maybe we could even have a slumber-party or something! I’m so excited!”  
Hylian smiled and seemed genuinely very go towards the idea. I guess we would be having a slumber-party pretty soon! I would invite some more people though... Probably Courier too, I think he would be okay with going to a slumber-party. At least he always seems to like the ideas I propose!

  
“So Hylian, you said you had a brother?”

  
“Ahh, finally a lowly peasant that understands me. I’m glad that some at least have the brains to understand my slick royal tongue. Yes, it’s true I have a brother – He’s not much older than I but he already acts like he’s the King, ugh. He’ll see that our country is not in need of a king but a queen!”

  
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand everything... But I guess what you’re saying is that your brother will come and see us soon or something?”

  
“Yes that’s exactly what I’m saying – but be careful... He’s not as obviously cruel as I am, and he will lead you on for much longer than I until he tries to kill your mother in your sleep and rape your father. And then take you in as his personal slave, where he will starve you to death and then feed you to his pet...”

  
“Oh... well... that’s-“

  
“I’m kidding you stupid moron. Or am I? Ahahahaha!”

I didn’t understand what Courier and Hylian were talking about, but Hylian started laughing, so I guess she told a joke? I could definitely feel a friendship coming along between us three!


	3. Couriers Curious Adventures 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Courier takes the PoV with him and looks for his dear... Teacher?

After lunch I parted with Hylian and Comic. Neither of them participated in any extra curricular activities, however I did. I participated in the Book Club. I was the _only_ member, actually, besides the appointed teacher, that is. The appointed teacher? Well of course it was  
"Mr. Julian, Hi!" I said as I entered Mr. Julian's classroom. He was talking with a man I recalled seeing somewhere before, but I didn't remember. The man was dressed in a suit, black with a light-blue silk tie - or at least something that looked like it (it might've been satin, I don't know). They were both catting casually, and appeared as old friends.

"Oh, hi Courier! I didn't notice you for a second there,"

he said. Both Mr. Julian and the strange man looked at me. My cheeks flushed, I was aware of that - and the way that other man was looking at me freaked me out a bit. I really didn't remember where I had seen him before. Did he know me or something?

"Ah! I don't suppose you've met my brother, Algerian, have you?"

his brother? I didn't even know he _had_ a brother! Actually... there's a lot I don't know about Mr. Julian. All I know is, that he has reduced hearing, which is why he talks so loudly - somtimes you can almost _see_ the way he speaks in caps lock - figuretively speaking, of course.  
"Ah, uhm, Hello. I'm Courier - Courier New." I said. My timid nature starting becoming apparent. I would probably panic soon or something - and then hell would probably break loose... Or not, whichever is fine by me.

"Ah, hello there - you said your name was "New"? As in the Monospace Family? If so, then I know your sister, Prestige, from college! We were dating for quite a while... She never mentioned me?"

Algerian said. Apparently he wasn't at all like he seemed - Mr. Julian's family was just full of unreadable people (at least the members _I_ have met... which is like, two, so... Okay nevermind), however when he mentioned Prestige, I was pretty sure I had actually met him before... Ohhhhh, here comes a flashback!!


	4. A quick pause from the Curious Adventures...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Courier has his first flashback.

~¤*¤~ COURIER NEW'S FLASHBACKS - SESSION 1 ~¤*¤~

I was at home alone. 'Web' was somewhere, fixing as he usually was. Whoring himself for money, then spending all on drugs (he was the black sheep of the family, if you couldn't tell) and Prestige was out with boyfriend... Well, _one_ of her boyfriends at least - and so I, Courier New, was left alone.  
I was quietly reading on the couch as it knocked on the door.  
"Come on in, we have nothing to steal since Web sold everything - again!" I yelled, which was the truth - I'm a very honest person, you see. A voice rung from the entrance as the door opened.

"Oh hey Courier - is Prestige not here?"

"Ah, Algerian - no she's not. She's with, umh... That Garamond guy today, I think."

  
 _Adobe_ Garamond?!"

"Yeah, I think so."  
Algerian sighed. He flopped down on the couch beside me - and by flopped I mean casually sat down.  
"Is something the matter?" I asked, as he was _clearly_ upset about something.

"It's just... I knew that Prestige would have other boyfriends – she told me herself that when we started dating:

"If you want to be my boyfriend, then you will have to know that I date several people at the time. If you’re okay with that, then it’s your own fault if you get hurt – understood?"

And I said that I understood her, but lately I've been really, really jealous. I know I shouldn't be, because I signed up for this myself - but I still am!"

So Algerian is having girlfriend problems... wow, could he not?  
"Ohmygod I'm so sorry to hear that!" I said, trying to sound as comforting as possible, but, ugh, the guy is just such a... a... _nice-guy_.

"Thank you, lil C, you-"

"Don't call me that."

"You always know exactly what to say to... ah, nevermind..."

Oh? To what? I was actually intrigued by this! So I sat up and looked at him more inquiring than before and said:  
"To what?" - making the hugest puppy-eyes I could. and oh my God. His cheeks _flushed_ \- no. No no no. Nope. I did NOT sign up for this. Please tell me this is a joke. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.

"To... To make me feel Happy..."

he said, and tried his best no to look at me.  
COULD WE _FUCKING_ NOT.  
So I just sat there, mouth wide open, my own cheeks starting to flush too and-... you know what screw it.  
tl;dr - he tried to kiss me but I was like "no das gay" and then he asked if I wanted to try sex, but I'm not a skanky whore, so... yeah.

~¤*¤~ END OF COURIER NEW'S FLASHBACKS - SESSION 1 ~¤*¤~


End file.
